I Gave Up Worry Like It Was a Bad Habit Because It Actually Was

 By: Michelle S. Fondin 

 A few weeks ago, I decided to give up worry. It wasn’t an immediate decision but one that had taken root and grew over time. By the time it hit me, I had gotten sick of the ups and downs of the worry cycle.

     For me, here’s how the cycle went. I would start thinking about a situation I didn’t feel I could control. Then, I would think about all the scenarios that might play out. While pondering these imaginary scenarios, I would get anxious and worked up as my body went into fight-flight mode. Then, I would get angry about the situation and move toward avoidance. That avoidance then led to procrastination, which, unfortunately for me, kept the imaginary scenarios alive. And eventually, with a pit in my stomach, I would still have to deal with the situation at hand. And usually, when I finally dealt with it, I realized it wasn’t as bad as I had conjured up in my head.

Reading this as I write it is helping me realize the insanity of it all.

     Allow me to illustrate with a personal example. I’ve been self-employed since 2008, which creates a whole bucket of anxiety on its own. Being self-employed creates a vast valley of unknowns on a day-to-day basis. Often, you don’t know where your next client is coming from or the next dollar, for that matter. As you work diligently, you might see your income plummet one month for no reason and then the next month rise again. It’s enough to keep the most sane person on edge.

     The build-up of sixteen years of uncertainty can sometimes be too much to bear. And yet, millions of entrepreneurs do it every year. Why? To live out some dream that they can have a positive impact on society or create a better life for themselves and their families.

     As a self-employed person, I lived in constant worry. To give you an example, here are a list of the daily questions I would ask myself:

 Am I doing a good enough job?

 How can I do more?

 Should I do things differently?

 Should I charge more? Should I charge less?

 Who can I talk to for improvement?

 Should I study and learn more?

 How can I generate more income?

 How can I pay the bills this month?

 How can I have a better impact on my clients?

 Yes. As I said, being self-employed is a bucket of worry.

 For sixteen years, I’ve been spinning my wheels on this, and it finally got to the point where I was exhausted. I know I don’t look it necessarily when you see me on YouTube videos, but behind the scenes, I’m always trying to make it better, different, and more.

 Since mid-2021, I’ve hit a rough patch in my work. In other words, I hit a transitional moment when I knew I needed to pivot in another direction. Until recently, I didn’t know how. Transitional moments in life create not only personal uncertainty and worry but often come with financial uncertainty. For me, both transpired.

 My clarity came when I discovered what I am destined to do, which isn't far off from what I have been doing. And it was at that moment that I decided to kick the bucket on worry.

 Let’s lurk inside my brain to get this mental process.

     I thought, I’ve been here before. (I lost a yoga business in 2015 and had to pivot). I’ve had many losses, failures, and difficulties, and I’m still here, as fortunate as ever. In all of this, when I didn’t see a way, God had a way for me. I am so fortunate and blessed that it doesn’t matter if the pathway isn’t clear.

     In other words, I looked at my life history and realized that even in the darkest moments, things still worked out in one way or another. Therefore, it’s futile to worry about it and make my present moments unpleasant.

 A couple of things occurred when I gave up worry.

     First, I had an enormous amount of time on my hands. And I didn’t know what to do with it. As it turns out, worry had consumed tons of my time. But as you and I both know, time is one of our most precious commodities, and I can’t buy that time back.

     Second, my thoughts began to become more creative. For example, when I would worry about my son getting in late I would fret and fuss. Not wanting to invade upon his new adulthood autonomy, I would refrain from texting while still wanting to text him. Then, I would create scenarios where he had gotten into an accident. But with my worry-free mindset, I shifted to sending him unconditional love. My thought was, He doesn’t need my worry energy while he’s out with his friends having a good time. He needs love energy. So I’ll send him that instead.

     And it worked! I was a lot calmer, and more often than not, he would text me to tell me he was getting in late.

 Sometimes, worry is just a bad habit.

     Have you ever had a mother, father, or grandmother say to you, “I worry about you?” That phrase becomes a term of endearment that someone says to show they care.

     Then as you grow up, you worry about your work, kids, home, neighborhood, and country. And when someone asks you why you worry so much, you respond, “Because I care.”

 Where did we get that load of malarky?

     Worrying about someone or something else doesn’t help them, but it does create a lot of havoc in you. Worry gives you many gifts, like increased cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline and increased blood pressure and heart rate. Maybe you have ulcers and digestive issues because of your bad worry habit. I know I had many of these.

     Have you ever had someone worry about you when you were fine, and it just annoyed you that they were worried? Now imagine how the other person feels when you worry about them.

 When you start to worry, ask yourself if it’s just out of habit.

     Bad habits are difficult to break, and this one, while easy at first, proved to be a challenge a couple of weeks after my enthusiasm wore off. So, each time my mind returned to the worry train, I redirected it with gratitude and by celebrating my day’s victories.

     It’s still a work in progress, but after two months, I’m in a much better place mentally.

     If after hearing my story about giving up worry you’re inspired to give it a try, here’s what I would suggest:

•  When assessing whether to worry, ask yourself if you can control the situation or person. If you can’t, worrying is useless. If you can, take immediate action to resolve it. Don’t let your mind get caught up in “what if” scenarios.
•  Ask yourself if you’re worrying out of habit or an old memory. You can always change the habit and redirect the memory by looking at the present moment.
•  List all the good things that worry has brought you over the years.
•  Write down all of the people you worry about and speculate if they’d rather you show them faith and love instead. Better yet, ask them if your worrying about them adds to their life.
•  Write worry a break-up letter. (For real.)

Wishing you a better life to a clearer mind and inner peace.

Namaste, 

Michelle